Strange. That’s the first word that comes to mind as I reflect upon how I burnt the candle at both ends last night. What was supposed to be another night of self-absorption turned out to be something quite different, entertaining an elderly car accident victim and sharing my music with him. Maybe that sounds nice… maybe that paints a pleasant portrait of a young man who can put his own interests aside to do the “good Samaritan thing”, but that’s not the truth, is it?

Not one bit. Guilt would’ve crippled me if I left him alone, and in these confessions I’ll admit that a mere hour after heading home I couldn’t recall his face at all, let alone his voice. And we spoke for hours. His name escapes me as well, slipped my mind shortly after the introductory handshake, truth be told.

I’ve written before about doing the good thing, and my stance on how I perceive it to be bullshit. Self-serving. Hear me out. Those that are compelled to do good do so out of a desire they cannot suppress, right? Were they to ignore that impulse they’d feel varying degrees of guilt. That’s the argument. Right there. Both parties benefit, but it’s really for ourselves, so we can sleep at night. Regardless of whether it is known or not, that hidden intent/motivator makes all the difference in my mind, ultimately sullying the spirit of the kindly act in question.

What was supposed to be another night of self-absorption turned out to be just that.

1. neuromanticism posted this